Exploded.

The past is the past, but it is there to be remembered.

Saturday, November 14, 2009

Crying emotionally is one of my daily routine and I already got used to it. Perhaps it's gonna be my hobby soon xD

Staring at my comp and piano for the whole of morning and afternoon today. Went out only at late afternoon to my niece's birthday celebration at ECP. She is 9 this year, so I believe all the children are kids down there. Went there with my parents. Reached there, helped the adults to sort out the goodie bags for the kids. I was obviously the only teenager there.

Saw some of the aunties son and daughter... They all bigger already, but still small kids in my eyes lol. I sat at one corner and stare at my phone when one aunty suddenly pop out behind me. She gave me a shock ._.

Aunty: Aiyo Zack! Big boy already... how are you?

Zack: Hi aunty... I'm fine.

Aunty: Hehehe... got girlfriend a not?

Zack: No...

Aunty: Then who's that girl on your handphone?

Zack: (Oh Shit) No la... nothing...

Aunty: Hehehe, aunty understand la. You got good taste uh.

Zack: No... aunty, she got boyfriend already...

Aunty: Oh hahaha! Too bad! So how's your studies?

Zack: So so lor...

(Stupid Aunty, must you be so direct to me? I hardly even know you.)

Then our conversation went on and on...

There are games for the children... I just sat one corner and listen to my mp3... My mum then ask me to company the kids. Lol, I then helped two cute guys called Ray and Josh. They are only like 5 years old. They call me the cyclops cause they say my eyes are always red ;x Lol. Ok, I dont mind being called the cyclops cause cyclops is cool too...

Played with them. So boring. Didnt even enjoy it. Went to the beach alone, shout and shout and shout. Obviously I must check if anyone's around lol. It stills feel the same after shouting. However, a little bit relieving... My uncle went to the beach to slack and smoke so I followed him. He told me about marriage and money. Why he divorced with his wife. Sigh, so sad. So retarded too. The beach. Reminds me of the Merimbula beach in Australia too. So... did I enjoyed myself today? Of course! XD I totally have lots of fun and I enjoyed myself.

Time is ticking, so I'm just waiting for each second to pass by for no particular reason.

Friday, November 13, 2009

Last day of Extended Curriculum. Told Nicklaus I wanted to jump down the building but I didn't. Sigh I wanted to but I didnt have the courage to do it. Nicklaus thought I was joking. Yea maybe? Went to KFC with Alvin and Yoke Kang. Then we went to Alvin's house as he wanted to change to OBS shirt... Went back school slack and Yoke Kang was chionging his homework. Went piano lesson then went home...

Quarreled with my mum yesterday... Today everything's normal already. I hugged her and said I'm sorry. I didnt want my mum to be the next person to be hurt by me. I'm sorry mum. This is a happy and peaceful family... why do I only say sorry after hurting my mum? Can't I think before shouting at her? No I can't. Cus I didnt think about what will happen next. I'm short-sighted. I'm sorry mum. She forgives me as I'm her son, but I didnt want to be forgiven. I rather be unforgiven so I can learn my mistake right? But it seems that I didnt learn anything. Nothing. People only say learn your mistakes, but did people teach us how do we do it? Maybe... We do it by imagining the feeling of hurting someone before we actually really hurt that person? Dont know leh. I'm tired of everything. In my mind, my heart stopped beating already. However, I'm still living. Sian, so this feeling isnt right.

Huh, why am I posting on blogger everyday? I dont feel like posting what did I do today or where did I go anymore. Cus I find this blog useless already. It's just a piece of fucking damn shit already. Maybe I should follow Shafiul. Put my blog private and dont invite anyone? Lol. For what? Huan lo? Why do I care about so many things? Why is my mind always so heavy? The only medicine to this headache of mine is to put on my mp3 player, lie on my sofa and cry. That's all I do. Cry everyday. I cant even do anything. If I were to put myself in other people shoes, I would also think," This guy a failure... All he know is to cry... So immature. He dont even know how to find a solution to himself... Sigh it's definitely a waste of my time to talk or even look at him." Seriously if people dont look down on me, then something's very wrong. I dont want anyone to console me. For what? What's the damn point? Be happy? Cheer up? HAHAHAHAHA I'M SO HAPPY TODAY! ;D Oh, only cowards hurt themselves or commit suicide when they encounter a problem. Then you tell me how to solve it? How do I drive through a wall if I cant reverse? Charged through? I then die le lor~ :D

Tired of punching my fist against the wall already. Later my bone cracked like Ivan how? Using pen knife to make myself bleed as much as possible? Nah. Haha. What's the point of hurting myself? Gain sympathy? Childish. I dont see any point seriously. My parents love me. I live for my loved one's sake. I no need anyone's forgiveness. I dont need anyone's sympathy. I dont want anyone to tag this blog. I want to tag myself only. That's what I do. I dont want anyone to talk to me about this kay, I wont be happy if you do that. I dont know what am I suffering. Depression? Bringing a fake Zack around? I arent my real self. I didnt want to show people my real self. I'm not afraid of what people think of me. I just didnt want people to think of me. I didnt want people to read my blog, but they already read it.

Why Nicklaus bother to sms me every single day? Even if I dont reply him? Why Daryl want a failure to be his brother? Why Yoke Kang follow where I go? Why people even see me like I exist? And why do I have friends? Hahahaha, this isnt a sad nor emo post! This is a happy post ok? :D The happiest of all ~ I'm so happy right now! xD It's called a Happy Ending LOL :D HAHA ~~~

I'm not Zack anymore. I'm no one. Zack is gone already, I've took over his body and mind. I dont even know how's Zack character is. I just took over his body. I spent more then one year trying to control him kay and I've done it xD Now I should name myself nameless ;D

Till here, forget what you have just read in my blog... Never never pity me kay? Or feel sorry for me. I DONT DESERVED IT MAN ~ xD

Alt F4 after reading this. Thank you so much :D

Remember not to talk to me anything regarding this. Thank you dear readers.

Seriously, I didnt know why am I posting this and why did I bother to type.

One should never direct people towards happiness, because happiness too is an idol of the market-place. One should direct them towards mutual affection. A beast gnawing at its prey can be happy too, but only human beings can feel affection for each other, and this is the highest achievement they can aspire to.There is neither happiness nor misery in the world; there is only the comparison of one state to another, nothing more. He who has felt the deepest grief is best able to experience supreme happiness. We must have felt what it is to die, that we may appreciate the enjoyments of life. Happiness cannot come from without. It must come from within. It is not what we see and touch or that which others do for us which makes us happy; it is that which we think and feel and do, first for the other fellow and then for ourselves. When one door of happiness closes, another opens; but often we look so long at the closed door that we do not see the one which has been opened for us.

Thursday, November 12, 2009

Went to school per normal for Extended Curriculum. Today had Amath for 2 hours .__. Learned Double Angle formulae, R formulae and Factor formulae. All derived from the Additional formulae ha :D

I suddenly remember I was always talking about subjects combination at the end sec 2... Lol.

Sigh... I wanted to take Literature but it is in the same choice as Amath so I need Amath more lol. Bryan say upper secondary Lit much more easy to score then lower sec lit... I read their Lit book and it's full of the word FUCK .__. I wanna Lit... He said that very few people in sec 2 got chosen for Lit cause they CMI? LOL. No I dont think so... Amath much more fun... You like it if you can cope Maths, you screw it if you are unstable. For POA... that POA teacher comes to my class almost every week looking for her POA students ._.

Example like we are having class... Then hear knock knock... see the POA cher at the classroom door, then I will like "hey it's you again ._."

Starting of next year we, comp studies students need to seat the O Level's coursework exam... So fast huh. Those who take Computer Studies are lucky, cause you got to enjoy the Air Conditioner twice a week in the comp lab ;x Also unlucky, cause everything's random. There are no textbooks for it. It's rented from the school. Loads of them. We got 3 textbooks this year... CS is retarded, cause I DONT KNOW what's the cher gonna teach for the next lesson. However, it's fun cause we learned Visual Basic Applications and many more ~

Always see those Biology peeps always holding their textbooks in their hand like Yoke Kang. Today he was reciting to me the parts of an human eye? I admire Bio people, they are amazing. They have to memorise like an idiot for every exam man.

Today went Plaza Singapura after school with Yoke Kang and Bryan. Yoke Kang was reciting to me in the MRT lol ._. I only remember one word after all the shits he had recite to me, Retina :D

Ate Long John Silver and we are complaining of the food lol. Then saw Kah Wei and Jesslyn there... Then went play piano at the Yamaha shop there... Then went home.

Haha, it seems quite some time that I've post a happy post yea xD I told myself to. It wasnt from my heart... (:

Oh ya, Happy Birthday to... the Red Cross Shirley (: Have a nice day~ Hope you enjoyed yourself... (:

Wednesday, November 11, 2009

Daryl gave me 2 questions to think over the holidays...

1. Can you swear that your love for her will not waver?

2. Can your promise you'll be with her whenver she needs you?

Actually I didnt need to think, all I need is an experiment using my infatuation method, occurring all in my head. I will imagine it.

Today's date was 11/11/2009. There's a saying that if you happen to see the time 11:11 am/pm means that someone is thinking of you. Lol. Retard...

My brain exploded today due to a strong chemical reaction, so I cant really remember anything and I dont know what to post...

I only could remember this conversation... It was in a blur.

Hello

Hi...

Smile? (:

Cannot...

What the fuck

(Yea, what the fuck. Sorry I wasted your time talking to me.)

Tuesday, November 10, 2009

I always will remember this song when I'm doing Chemistry... xD

The song called Chemicals React by Aly & Aj :D

Meaningful to me man. Very meaningful :D

Extended Curriculum till 1230...

Recess...

Yoke Kang saw someone then tell me...

I dropped my plate lol

Everyone laugh including me HAHAHA :D

Then saw that person walking to the library there...

Then just nice I was going to the piano near the library there...

So... see a while LOL xD

However... I saw something different...

She was...

Walking with...

I didnt have the mood to play piano anymore...

My laughter change immediately...

Sigh.

自小我便爱上解答数学题目，
无论有多困难，我定坚持到底找出答案。
直至有一天，我遇到了最严峻的考验，
我尝试了各种解答的方式，
却依然徒然。。。。
但无论如何，我一定要找出答案，
而你就是这道题的答案。
请你告诉我，我应该如何解答，
我坚信一定会有找到答案的一天。。。
期盼答案。。。。
期盼你的回答。。。。。

Went back class... Saw Yoke Kang feeling the same way as I do too... Saw him sms-ing...

He sat beside me in class... so I could see what was he sms-ing...

He told me what he feel and what was he doing...

He showed me his inbox and I saw the message... I only see those he allow me to see...

Yea... those he allowed me to see... yeap. I smiled and then talk to myself LOL. Heng, if not people though im seriously mentally retarded already.

However, well when Yoke Kang was feeling sad, I shouldnt feel sad, I should console him but we both feel sad... Daryl, was feeling sad too... EMOTIONAL la... All emo lol ._. sound so childish in an adult's view but cant be help...

Then after school went Mac... Kah Wei ask me why I so sian...

Told him what I saw at recess...

Went Red Cross... Yoke Kang and Hilary followed me then Hilary left after a while... Yoke Kang was trying his luck to contact her...

Her...

The girl he is waiting for... Even I got traumatised by his story...

So... I taught sec 1 drills for a while... From 145 to 330

Then I went to the MRT station with Yoke Kang. We didnt went there to take the train, we went there and talk... a lot...

Talking... also helps us know each other better...

We talk... A lot...

We think... A lot...

Yoke Kang told me his story... How that girl dont want him anymore... Made me think... Or was I thinking it all along?

By looking at how Yoke Kang feel, I'm now beginning to understand... Or was i understanding it long ago already?

life is jus so damn boring...

I dont agree... It is boring only when you say it is...

My ex teacher once told me that girls mature 5 years earlier then boys and every girl are much more emotional then boys. She was so wrong, because now I really know how a girl feels... I seriously know and understand how a girl feel...

Because I'm feeling how a girl feel too.

But... nah I'm not Nicklaus... I'm feeling how a girl feel but he is actually a girl in a men's body LOL xD

That girl Nick went 3E2 wor, ha must study hard.

OKAY TAKE A BREAK FROM EMO-ING HAHA~ FINISH ALREADY, NOW MUST HYPER LE.

SEAN KINGSTON! SOMEBODY CALL 991!

I GET EMOTIONAL WHENEVER I THINK OF YOU, BUT THIS SONG, I THINK OF YOU DANCING, I WILL GO GAGA HAHAHAHA WOO ;X

I told myself 7 words...

Xntq vzx ne rlrhmf rshkk mdudq bgzmfd...

Monday, November 9, 2009

Sian so bored

I've realised that there are some things we shouldnt even care

There are some things we shouldn't say

But it's all so ironic

So pathetic

but still cannot say la

lol

.__.

Today I did something I dare not do before, I pon Red Cross. Lol, tomorrow I will go.

So tired... hmm...

Australia was damn fun... the hotel, the living room, the toilet, the bed, the pillow ( getting wet each time and dried up by the time I woke up...), the balcony, the door, all hold memories of you... (and myself too...) So sweet...

The beach... the grass... the sand... the birds flying... the way I get myself separated from my relatives and parents. The freedom to shop alone and to meet them back at the meeting point... The time I spent myself being alone - Anti-social - was when I appreciate myself thinking of all those memories... So nice... No words in English can describe this feeling... Sort of deep and mixed emotional feelings... I cried... but it wasnt just crying out. I was crying in... not letting anyone see it and I have to estimate when will the tears drop from my eyes and I gotta clean it off fast before it dropped... keeping my head bend all the time...

The coldness... 15 degrees in the day, 5 degrees at night... So windy... Each time when I'm separted from my relatives and parents, I would picture myself... no... cannot... I must use Bryan's technique... Like Malay or Indian la... Lol... uma... joke... stupid technique...

Those memories... wasnt sad at all... in fact I find it happy and I like it... I wasnt emo-ing. I was appreciating... The feeling of choosing chocolates for my friends... I've a hard time choosing for my friends...

My Mum: Zack, why choose present for friend take so long one huh

Zack: Must think what...

My Mum: cin cai la... Give who? Daryl?

Zack: Ya... many more... but got some I dare not give...

My Mum: Why dare not give?

Zack: Nevermind la, nah nah choose finish le...

Why dare not give?

Why dare not give...

So... was stoning at the super market chocolate corner there...

I asked myself... (I was crazy, everyone was looking at me talking to myself)

Should I buy?

For what...

What's the correct choice?

Dont buy...

Dont buy la!

but...

AIYAH HUAN LO LA STUPID ZACK

However, in the end I still bought it. Heart shaped one and in pink, damn nice...

However, I believed I gotta eat that chocolate myself... Not bad... Got milk, mint, alcohol, nuts, dark...

Like what my Audition nuer told me to forget my past.

How can I forget the past when she is saying the word 'past' to me?

Anyway, thanks nuer for assuring that i'm fine thank you so much (:

If a person stabbed you and ask you to forget that pain, you will, after some time.

However, if the same person stabbed you again after you have forgotten how it feels like, and ask you not to remember that pain, can you?

Is like what Daryl said before, he showed me a pen and he told me, " Dont think of this pen" . How can I dont think of that pen when it is staring straight at me?

How can I dont think of you when you are appearing in front of me each time...

Aiyoh Zack, dont think of it la...

Go die. I suddenly appear in front of your face, giving you a shock and ask you dont think of me kay?

Friday, November 6, 2009

The joke of the day :D

Zack: Eh, heard of it already?

Bryan: Ya i dun care

Zack: Kids...

Bryan: Who?

Zack: Those -.-

Bryan: I duno any of them...

Zack: LOL make great sense!

Bryan: They waste my time...

Zack: LOL true!

Bryan: Micheal Lee promised me...

Zack: LOL hilarious! Dont sad la...

Bryan: Not fair...

Zack: Aiya... the world is unfair wad

(I showed Bryan a picture)

Bryan: Stop that leh! Disgusting!

Zack: HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAH TOTALLY AGREE XD

Bryan: Ok now I'm serious, I'm gonna tell you who I like.

Zack: Lol you aren't serious

Bryan: wait...

Zack: faster la

Zack: who? (Then i listed out many names)

Bryan: umamagheswari d/o thayalan

Zack: fuck you im eating, now i stomach pain LOL

Bryan: What? I memorized her name ok...

Bryan: She's cute... the no 1 in your class

Zack: LOL she guides one, I shout her name when you walk pass next year HAHA

Bryan: dun mind

Then our chat went on and on. Damn funny, we were insulting here and there. Lol.

No need to really know what we were talking. You wont want to know :x

Ip man 2 the movie is out next year ~

Donnie Yen and Sammo Hung in Ip MAN 2. (Sina)

I've been waiting so long for this to come out.